segunda-feira, 25 de março de 2019

LAVO A ROUPA TODO O DIA, QUE AGONIA

O casado lava três vezes mais roupa do que o solteiro. É um fato incontestável.

Aqui em casa a máquina de lavar não para. Ela é uma escrava do movimento. Já não consigo imaginar a cozinha silenciosa, desprovida do barulho do aquário girando. Nunca mais atravessei a dispensa de cabeça ereta. Por mais que me agache, tocarei com a testa no varal cheio.

Meu salário virou espuma de amaciante. Dentro do casamento, eu não tenho como fazer um montinho de camisetas sujas no armário, um ninho de preguiça, logo acabo desmascarado. E ainda sofro com a conferida da esposa no sovaco. Não há como discutir. A asa é de morcego na caverna, há muito tempo deixou de ser pássaro.

Sou empurrado para a obrigação de estar arrumado e limpo. Uma peça no chão já toma o caminho do balde. Não há clemência e compaixão da família. O que ponho em 24 horas já não serve para depois, experimento uma ditadura hospitalar, de luvas e aventais descartáveis.

Quando era solteiro, não me lembro dessa gincana de sabão em pó, da obsessão anti-ecológica. Economizava o jeans até onde podia, até a mendicância. Usava várias vezes a ponto do brim claro se transformar em azul escuro.

Na residência, circulava pelado ou com bermudão e regata rasgados, não me olhava no espelho, não vivia sob o plantão de visita iminente.

Assim reservava as melhores combinações para a festa. Ninguém despachava as minhas camisas para a campanha de agasalho. Tinha controle sobre o passado e sobre o futuro.
A lavanderia era semanal. E só acontecia quando não restavam mais cuecas e meias na gaveta. Passava um dia inteiro sem cueca e meia, para esperar secar. Não me importava em andar alinhado sempre.
O casamento é uma pressão por bons modos. Cortar unhas, pelo no ouvido, aparar barba, tomar banho de manhã e de noite, mostrar-se como vai sair ao trabalho, não esquecer o perfume. Não difere muito de um internato.

Publicado em Jornal Zero Hora em 17/7/2018

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